remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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