Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
