I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
