ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
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