What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
