'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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