I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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