Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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