Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
