I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
