Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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