He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
