I want to stick my p in your. b.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
