So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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