could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
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She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
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And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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