How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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