I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
