Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
