my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
