woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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