shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
