You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.