Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.