My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma