1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.