it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.