Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.