He uses pillows to masturbate.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I am never drinking with the goths again.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
