Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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