Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize