i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
