It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
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