Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
