go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
