"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
