Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
