I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
