I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
