You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
PANTIES FOUND
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