I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
