South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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