Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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