yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
