ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
