The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
