i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
