its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
