Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
