he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
