you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
FUCK WHALES
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