I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
