ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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