Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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