i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
