i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
