She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
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threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
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You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
try to milk me bitch
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