just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He did a backflip because drugs
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
