Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
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