i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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