Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
