What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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