party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
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i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
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You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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