He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
