I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He shit in the fireplace
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
