At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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