Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
