I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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