I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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