Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
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