I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
