I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
