Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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