I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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