she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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