A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
