I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
