i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
worst night to have a conscience
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
