I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
