Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
